in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
