Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
