never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
