I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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