There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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