I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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