I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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