sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
