My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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