I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
