There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
