there's paper in my vomit.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
