please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
