3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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