my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
