All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
