Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
