Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
