All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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