Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
