I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
