I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
