I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
