I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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