I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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