I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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