she sounds like chewbacca in bed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
