Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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