Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
