I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
