My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
