Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
