Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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