Your tits are I can't wait for
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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