i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
