So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
