I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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