I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
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Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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