I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
