Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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