If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
