if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
