Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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