i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My breasts were aching with rage.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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