Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
