My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
