Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
