when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
