Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This toilet bowl is my home.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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