Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
