You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
