I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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