Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
