I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
