im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
