I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
