My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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