one might say we're banned from that church
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
