Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
