It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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