I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
