alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
