I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
