I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
