would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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