i barfeds in our rink
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
