I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he thought i was a dude.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
