If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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